I stayed home most of the day today because I was waiting for the repairmen. Gotta take care of business somedays! My time at home led me to look through old notebooks and papers -- purge time for most, but I came across a yellowed sheet of paper where I had written "Secrets I've Learned Through the Years -- the Hard Way". I looked at the numbered 5, and thought, shoot, I know that, but it appears that I have not always heard these secrets. Here goes:
#1. Go for the gold. Be determined to succeed, set your mind on one thing -- and never stray. Persevere and success will be yours.
Go for the gold. Don't we all think we are going for the gold as we travel this highway of life. We want to succeed, to win the gold medal, but what does it really take to win, and what was I willing to sacrifice to succeed. I knew at a young age that I would never find success at a young age. It was thrown in my face, offered to me in all its glory, but the stakes were too high, and I said no. If I was going to succeed, it was going to be on my terms, in my time. But I was determined. My eyes have not left the dream. And so I think that is for many people. That is what retirement is for many of us who have made it this far. To pursue the dream of youth that was never forgotten. My mind has always been on one goal, one way to live this life. Stray -- yes. It's called life, but I always found my way back to the dream, to the writing, to sharing stories so I can show one other person that life is the same for all of us. We are all striving, for love, companionship, shelter, and food in our tummy. Those are the basics, and really the only thing there is -- just more of, bigger and better as we accumulate, until we realize we don't need the bigger and better.
What I have learned since writing those words I found is to persevere and success will be yours. I now know it's not in the winning, it's in the journey. I persevere every day because I get up with a smile on my face and go about my business, and that success is mine. It was mine before I started. I have no grandiose ideas of being famous for my words, don't even admire the famous, and so my idea of what success looks like has changed. Success is doing what I was meant to do. It's so simple. So simple. All I have to do is do.
Before I leave this idea, I do want to comment about "set your mind on one thing" -- boy, that is a hard one. Years ago I had a friend named Rich, and we would talk for hours and hours about life and what it is and what it meant to us. One subject that kept coming up was exactly that "set your mind on one thing". It seems that both of us had the commonality of being able to do nearly anything and our interests lied in nearly everything. We always said, if we could only concentrate on one thing, we would win. How well I understand that now. And I believe that is the key for those who achieve greatness. They have tunnel vision. They focus on one item and work until it is achieved. Look at Einstein, the Wright Brothers, Steve Jobs. Their focus was on one thing, and one thing only, and they changed the world, changed how we live in this world.
I am learning to do that today. I am trying to get rid of all the "stuff" in my life so I can write, and write alone. I am getting there. I know it's the key, I just know it.
#2. Confidence lies within. Set realistic goals and achieve them at all cost. Then, pat yourself on the back. You have just won.
I remember in my youth -- really young, that I thought I would be a failure if I was not a best selling author and married with children and have a big house by the time I was 27. 27! Boy, was I living in a fantasy world!
Through the years, I learned how the world really works, and those grandiose ideas would never, never have happened. I also learned through the years that confidence does lie within but you also have to set realistic goals. They can be big goals, but they have to be realistic. I did not have an inkling for business, and that is where the real money is, that and a little help from a mentor. But I never wanted money per se, and you can't have all the trimmings without the money, so through the years I understood what realistic goals are.
I learned that I needed to work at a place with a pension and insurance so my basic needs would be met. I learned that I needed a roof over my head so my shelter was met. And I learned that I did not need the best and brightest of anything as long as my needs were met. Realistic goals. Then, achieve them -- I did, at a cost. I worked for the pension and the insurance that had nothing to do with the written word, with conveying ideas to others, with helping others succeed, or with who I really was. But, once again, I persevered and I achieved them at all cost. It wasn't easy. Some days felt like they were never going to be over, but they did, and they accumulated, and today, I can pat myself on the back. I lived long enough to retire and pursue who I am with the written word. I have won.
#3. Learn to hear what people say. Double messages are confusing and you don't need people who give those messages to you in your life. Get rid of them at all cost.
I have always been a good listener. Shoot, that is what I was trained to do. That is what you do as a journalist. Or, at least it was, when I practiced the skill. I listened to what people said, and then I wrote about it to share their story, their experience.
Then, you meet the person who says one thing but does the opposite. Double messages. It's like, "I love you", slap, slap. It's like, "I love you but you're too fat, too skinny, too ..." The message I remember is someone told me once, "I will never pick another smart girl." but then he wanted to marry me. Hello!!! I just couldn't be smart if I wanted to marry him. Really!!! Needless to say, we never walked down the aisle, but I will always remember his comment. And I wonder if his current wife is smart, or not and he can then do anything he wants. Don't need those people in my life. Double messages are all over this world, and they drive me nuts.
It took me a long time to really hear those messages, although I knew there was something wrong with them. But I finally got the message, and I quit being confused. Sometimes it was hard to drop the people, especially if I felt I wanted to be close to them. This is meant for family members also, and that is a very hard one to do. But, sometimes, to save yourself, it must be done, they must be out of your life. Without guilt. Without worry.
What I thought remarkable with this is when you really hear what people say, and you get rid of the negativity, confidence in yourself escalates. It's a win-win situation.
#4. Smile and the world smiles with you -- frown and you frown alone.
I've almost always seen the glass half full, but I know one thing, when I went through some rough days, and the frowns grew long, the people left. Or maybe I should say the acquaintances left. Those people who were looking for a smile. Real friends stayed. And then I learned about people.
Friends are real and they stayed through the good and the bad.
#5. Love. Learn to love those who love you, and get rid of the ones who don't love you or respect you.
This kinda goes with #3 -- learn to hear what people say. Love is such a precious and great gift. When you get it, and experience that unconditional love, there is nothing in the world like it. Nothing. Through love you learn that success is loving back, that that love gives you confidence, that through love you can distinguish the double messages, and love puts a smile on your face even when the days are long.
I am so blessed to have been loved with this unconditional love. It started as like/love/lust, then turned to love, then to unconditional love. It was a process, a quick one, but a process and the outcome was far beyond my wildest imagination. I could never imagine throwing this away over an argument or differing opinion. I learned to love him more than I could imagine that he loved me, but I knew he loved me more than I could have imagined. Get it, keep it, fight for it.
And these are what I have learned in my life. The essentials. I have learned a lot more, but these put a lot in a nutshell. So, who am I today -- a wildly successful lady who exudes confidence and who has been loved with a smile on her face and an ear to what and how people say their words.
Until tomorrow...have a great day...
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