Mental or Emotional Abuse as a Story Line

I started this topic because I want to write a story incorporating this type of treatment. Because of this, I have been talking to women (mostly) about how this abuse has affected them. It happens to all of us at some point in our life. Through the years, I was treated well by the men I knew and dated, but I can remember two of them who taught me what emotional abuse was. Each scenario happened once, was a huge red flag for me, and I walked away. I simply didn't like the feeling.

One was this guy I dated for some time, and I knew he suffered from low esteem, but one day we had planned on going golfing, and it rained outside. He was so mad at me because it was raining that he put his fist through the wall. I told him he needed to take the rain up with God, not me, and I left to not return. Scared me.

Then another time was this guy I went on a couple of dates with and he told me that if I did not do what he wanted me to do he knew how to punish me -- quit talking to me. Punish me? I don't think so. And that was that.

But I was older, had been in the dating game for a long time by the time I met those two different men, and I knew what made me feel good and bad in a relationship. I always figured those guys had the problem, not me. But then, again, I was older when I experienced these behaviors.

This behavior is as old as humankind -- one person wanting to dominate another and the only way they can do it is to intimidate and humiliate another through verbal abuse.

You know, the phrases "You'll never be good enough to...", "You're too fat...too skinny...too ugly".

Previously, I taught at a university as well as being a tutor there. You would never believe how many women I met who were threatened by their husbands because they were going to school to get a degree. I met women who left school because the intimidation was too much for them. I met women who left their marriage because they wanted more for themselves and the husband got the better of them. I met women who struggled through the degree taking the verbal insults to obtain the degree and to get a job with a good living wage.

But, it's just not women who are abused. I know men who have been abused by women. They don't talk about it a lot because it would hurt their pride (you know, the man thinks he has to be the breadwinner, the hunter of the group, the fierce one, the fighter and protector, the one who can take anything and keep everything bottled inside.)

But, they are there. The man who has been yelled at, screamed at that he is not making enough money, that he is not a good provider, that he drinks too much beer, that he... And then what happens? The internalization a man has makes the screaming a reality.

Just like the woman, the man, too, gives up. Lives with it. Starts to believe they are not that good, and lives a life that mirrors the words. The hurtful words. The words that steal the soul. And then steals the life.

There is so much to consider when I write this story. Yes, there is the self-esteem issue, but then there is the isolation issue, the altering of a person's reality, and the depression that follows.

Then, does my character live in poverty or with money, does my character have a job and what type of work, are there money problems, drug and alcohol problems, does my character move around a lot? Who is my character?

My story is forming. Is there another angle that I am missing? As I've said, I have had only two experiences with verbal abuse and I knew to walk away before there was a second time, but I am learning from the women and men I have been talking with that people live with this abuse sometimes their entire life.

All suggestions will be considered.

Until later...