Finding out what I bought

The next day, I got up, dressed and spent my day between my car and the storage unit. I had boxes, markers, and tape. I was ready. And what was I going to take with me for the next trip to Florida. This time I was going to walk through the house and sign the papers. What would it look like? According to the pictures, it didn't look too bad. The realtor said I would like it (based on my previous picks), and I was hopeful.

So, I loaded the car with what I thought I would need before the furniture and boxes arrived, and left a mess in the storage units. I had approximately 3 weeks before the movers would come to load up the storage units to move my belongings to Florida. My plan was to go to Florida, sign the papers, order a bed, come back to Illinois and finish packing the littered "stuff" in the unit. I gave myself one week to drive to Florida, do what I needed to do, then come back to pack and meet with the movers.

And off I went.

Two days later, one day before the signing, I walked into the house I was going to buy. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. Everything was pink. PINK!!! The walls, the carpet, everything. And the kitchen had old wallpaper that was beginning to unravel and it was small pink flowers. OMG. What had I done, what have I gotten myself into? I wanted to run home, to my comfortable home in Illinois where I knew where everything was and where I knew everyone. What Have I Done??? I felt so completely alone. I had just sold, given away, or boxed up my entire life. And here I was in a foreign state, with only knowing two people. I remember just walking through this new house of mine and thinking I Have Just Made a Huge Mistake. I can't believe I sold my house in Illinois, a house where Al and I laughed and cried together, where we danced in each other's arms on the kitchen floor, and where we made the house our home. You stupid, stupid girl. What have you done.

After going through that emotion, I pulled myself together. It had been four years since Al left this earth, and there at our home, I found myself totally lost. I would ramble through the halls and rooms, and not going anywhere just stand there. I had to move on. I had to, and if this is what it took, I would do it. Or else I would die. And I am not ready to do that. There, in our home in Illinois, Al had not died yet. He lived with the furniture he sat in. I could hear him walk down the hall, and when the Bears or one of our favorite programs was going to be aired, I would call for him to watch tv with me. I knew I had to move on. I had to let go. And I also knew that is what he wanted me to do. In fact, he would have wondered why I hadn't done it before.

So, with a sour stomach and pink on the walls, I signed the papers to this new house of mine. I would make it work.

I emptied what I brought in the car, bought a bed to be delivered when I returned, and left Florida for Illinois. I had a lot of packing to do, a lot of people to see, a lot of loose ends to finish up in Illinois. I needed time to wrap my head around what I had done and what I was going to do. I had to think about what I was going to do with this next chapter in my life. What would it bring?

Tomorrow -- my plans. Have a great night.