In the Beginning

Good Morning --

This is my first post for my blog "Chapter 14's Journey". This will be an account of my changes during this chapter of my life, and how I got to this point. I debated a while on whether to write this, but with friends' support and encouragement, I decided to just jump in and do it.

Let me back up for a minute. I have lived a full life filled with accomplishments, love and laughter. I was living with the love of my life, Al, and together we had a great life. My job was not that great, but I made good money and I was saving for my retirement, traveling, and just simply enjoying life. Then, one summer day in 2005, my life changed. It was the beginning of chapter 13. It lasted 9 years with three of those years wondering what in the world was I going to do with my life now.

Chapter 13 began when my step father suddenly died with cancer. Actually, he had kidney cancer for a year and told no one until one Wednesday he asked to go to the hospital, and in the emergency room we heard him say that he had cancer. The shock of that was one thing, but the speed to the end was completely another thing. He was released that Friday with Hospice coming to the house, and we called his sons who lived in Arizona and Texas. They arrived by Sunday, a few hours before he died, and life changes. He was 87, my mother 88.

Immediately, I became the primary caregiver to my mother. She wanted to stay in the house, and I wanted to abide by her wishes. We found a CNA who would come into the house during the day while I worked, and at night me and other family members would take turns to stay with her. I knew things would change with time, but for the time being, this was a good plan. Too bad it did not materialize.

Thinking everything was under control, I started to go to work when I got a call from LifeLine, my mother had fallen. Instead of going to work, I immediately called in, and went to the house. The ambulance was there by the time I got there. Long story short, she broke her leg, and was to rehabilitate at a local nursing home; one with very good reviews and reputation. Her rehab turned into a permanent residence when we found out that she did not have enough bone left in her leg for the bone to heal due to osteoporosis. Okay, we'll make the best of this. She was lucky enough to save enough money to stay in the nursing home in a private room (not that much difference in cost). So, I now had to dispose of all of her worldly possessions and the house. She lost everything -- a husband, a house, and most everything she owned in her life. Not a nice way to spend your last days on earth. But she will even have more heart break as time goes by.

We did make the best of it for quite some time. It was hard on me, but, hey, I gave her enough grief when I was young that this was the least I could do for her. For the next three years, mother, Al, and I retained some sort of schedule. I worked, Al became sicker with COPD and diabetes, we traveled a bit, and mother settled into the nursing home routine. The nurses and CNAs loved her. One of my sisters lived in Myrtle Beach, and she would call mother every day and come to see her every few months. The other sister lived in town and became a big pain in the butt. But, that was her problem, not mine. My focus was on caring for mother, Al, and my job. Didn't even think about me. And I started to gain weight. And I started to get tired.

Then, a few years into this journey, mother came close to death, and she had the choice of a feeding tube or death. She was very aware of everything and she made her own decisions. She chose the feeding tube. Her life changed drastically. I do not think she understood the ramifications of the feeding tube and after its insertion, she refused to leave her room. From that day forward until she died some three years later, she did not have a morsel of food nor a drink of water. Never. And she never cheated. And she never complained. Never. I so wonder if she knew what was going to happen in the next few years if she would have had the feeding tube. I will never know that answer because I never had the heart to ask her. I only know that this changed my attitude on how I look at life and how I look at the end of life. I never want anything to prolong life. Never. And I have made the necessary arrangements to see this is fulfilled.

Tomorrow, I will continue with Chapter 13 so we can journey together in Chapter 14. Have a great day.