The Last Man Standing

Thinking about my ancestors, I could not even imagine the aloneness they felt when the two brothers ventured to a land that was not even given a name --it was simply a new world.

That new world is what I am experiencing. My immediate family is gone. I am the last man standing from the family I grew up with, who I fought with, and loved, and cried with, and laughed with, and dreamt dreams with. They are all gone.

My mother would always talk about her siblings, and she would dream of them when they left this earth. She, too, was the last man standing from the family she grew up with. I never understood why there was so much emphasis on her dreams as she relived her younger life with her sisters and brother. I never understood why she continuously would talk about them, telling their stories, more than she did than about the husbands she loved or the children she bore.

And there was a guy at work who always talked about his parents and brother who left this earth way too early. He would always talk about how much he missed them, never letting anyone forget that his parents and brother had existed in this world. I never understood why his childhood family was his daily reminder, even though he had a wife he loved and children to make memories with.

I just did not understand, and now I do.

I understand the difference between aloneness and loneliness. I do not feel lonely in this world, but I have a huge void. I can understand what it would be like to get off a ship in a foreign country, not knowing anyone, now knowing a language, not knowing where to go or how to get there. I do not believe that my ancestors were lonely or else they would not have gone on the adventure. But, I am sure they felt alone in this brave, new world. They were one in a world of many.

My mother never spoke of being lonely, of having a yearning to be among people, but she had the void, she felt the aloneness on being one, of being the last man standing.

The guy at work was not lonely, there is little doubt in that; but he always talked about being alone, without family, even though he made his own family.

Now I understand that when you are the last man standing, you are the last man. When it is my turn to leave, that one unit of family is gone forever, and the next generation takes over. With that thought, I also understand the responsibility I have to accept my aloneness to carry on with a brave heart and a brave face, like the people before me. We are all brave people. In each family unit there will always be a last man standing, and the void will become real for that last person.

I moved here so I would not be lonely, and I am not. So far in my life, I have never felt lonely, and I hope I never do. I never felt alone before now because everyone was around, and now I realize it's not what you make or do in this world, it's about the love and after that, how to succeed as the last man standing. That's my reality, and I will do everything in my power to succeed. I have my goals.

And my immediate goal is to learn how to download my phone's pictures on the pc. There is a class I am going to sign up for. Stay tuned on that one.

Have a great day. Until tomorrow....