Reevaluating my changes

Today is one of those days where I have taken stock of where I started and where I am going.

It was six years ago today that my life changed when Al died. Little did I know what was in store for me. In the beginning, it was hard. Very hard. And it really took me about four years to get out of that mode. I was not depressed or anxious or anything negative. I was simply lost and I didn't know how to get unlost. I remember roaming the house's halls, yelling at the sky, not being able to focus on anything. Nothing. I felt numb. Lost.

Then, little by little and through my student, Johnny, I started to feel again. Not much, but I started having hope. That there would be a tomorrow. I went from not being able to focus to being able to read a newspaper, and then a little of a book, then an entire book. Still have a hard time with tv, but there is nothing of note to watch, so that does not concern me. I can watch a movie at a movie house, and a movie at home when someone is with me. When not, I have my trusty pc and play games while the characters act their roles.

And then I left the familiar to the unknown. And I was petrified. Thought I was going to jump out of my skin. Kept thinking I made a horrible decision to leave family and friends behind to no family and a few friends hundreds of miles away.

Then, little by little, I joined the groups and met some people. And today I am in two ceramic groups, learning stain glass, learning fused glass, in the writing group and writing my collection of short stories (still should meet my self imposed deadline of April 30th), joined DAR and meeting ladies there. And writing this blog!

I see my high school friends upon occasion. That is always fun.

And I've traveled and have more trips planned.

I also know that what I am doing today will change. I know that now. But for now, I am good. I am doing. I do not sit at home and feel a pity party, I simply won't do that. I can hear Al berating me for not getting out earlier. He wanted me to go on with life. He wanted me to have it all.

And I am. My way. The for now way.

Today is just one of those days. And I think I am doing good. I am where I want and need to be at this point in my life. Sure, I would like more, who doesn't, but I am satisfied. And I say, that's pretty darn good.

Until Monday...have a great weekend.